[Februarie 1999]

“Saterdagaand, 6 Februarie 1999, Fengshan City. Drie weke in Taiwan: woonstel, telefoon, bromponie, werk, mense, mooi vrouens, elektronics, geld, plek, e-mail, skryf, musiek, kos, Chinees, supermarkte, Seven Eleven’s, koffie, sigarette… ek dink dit dek alles.

Wat maak ek hier? Ek is hier om geld te maak, om te leef, om ‘n plek van my eie te hê, om te skryf, om nuwe dinge te leer, om mense te ontmoet, en om te reis. Ek hoop bo alles om binne die volgende twaalf tot agtien maande genoeg geld te verdien om my skuld te kan delg en om vir die wêreld te kan sê: ‘Daar! Fok julle! Nou doen ek wat ék wil doen.’

Miskien werk alles anders uit. Maar goed of sleg, as ek op hierdie spoor bly, is dit my primêre doelwit.

Wat wil ek doen as ek uiteindelik terug is in Suid-Afrika? Ek wil wees wie ék wil wees, en doen wat ék wil doen: leef, skryf, studeer, en vir ander mense dinge leer. Dit was nog altyd my groot ambisies gewees. En siende dat ek, Brand Smit, net één lewe het, is dit wat ek sal nastreef.

Opsommerderwys: ek wil vry wees om te doen wat ék wil doen, omdat ek nie gemaak is om dit anders te doen nie.”

…GOEIE RAAD VIR DIE TOEKOMS.

[September 2003]

My plans and/or decisions are always fluid, even though I wish at times they were more concrete. But factors that influenced one to decide something, or to formulate a certain plan at a certain time, change. Relationships also change. The weather changes. You move from an apartment with two windows to one with sixteen. Your work schedule changes…

In the end you’re forced to ask yourself, “Am I still going to execute this plan or decision just because it’s the one I had made at a certain time, even though it might not be the best plan considering changed circumstances, or will I change my plans? One needs to fix one’s eyes on some point, some vision, some ambition, but you also need to remember that life is always in flux.

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